In college, my roommates and I got caught in the cable TV trap. There was a special internet and cable TV package that was our cheapest option, so as we signed the lease for our house, we also registered for 200+ TV channels. As with most college students, we utilized our cable television much more than we sometimes should have (who wants to study when you have 200 TV channels?! haha – don’t tell my parents). Anyways, the wedding shows were our absolute favorite! Platinum Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, Rich Bride Poor Bride, My Fair Wedding, and many more. By watching so many wedding shows on TV, and the fact that my sister helps plan weddings and has taken wedding photographs, I consider myself pretty knowledgeable when it comes to weddings. Or, I used to.
The Happy Couple!
This assumption was proven wrong last weekend when Anna and I attended a Chinese wedding in Jianjuan’s village. Attending my first Chinese wedding was fascinating. There were several customs that are similar (the bride wore a white a dress, there were flowers, there was a dinner, and many guests were invited). However, many things were different as well: there was no ceremony, the groom traveled to the bride’s house to pick her up, the groom washed the bride’s feet, and many other cultural distinctions. Here are more specific details:
Friday afternoon we all traveled to Jianjuan’s village. Saturday morning we woke up and went to a large wedding breakfast. All of the wedding guests began the day by going to the banquet hall for breakfast to begin celebrating. (The bride and groom weren’t present). After we stuffed ourselves full, we went to Jianjuan’s Grandmother’s house. We sat in the living room with her cousins and aunts and uncles. Many Chinese people really like sunflower seeds and peanuts; so we spent an hour watching Chinese TV, eating sunflower seeds, and spitting the seeds on the concrete living room floor. I felt like I should be in a baseball dugout with all of the sunflower seeds piled on the floor. (Can you imagine what would happen if I accidentally brought this habit back to America with me?! Please forgive me if I am ever at your house and unintentionally spit sunflower seeds on your floor).
The groom arrived to Jianjuan’s Grandmother’s house around noon. He was dressed in a suit and tie and looked nice. All of his friends began decorating his car with flowers on the hood and put decals on the front.
The decorated car
After the car was decorated, the groom’s friends hopped into a car to drive to the bride’s village (not sure where the cars came from—most people here don’t own cars). A major part of Chinese weddings is for the groom to drive to pick up the bride at her house. There is always a caravan that follows the groom to the bride’s house. The first car of the caravan is the pace car, and the second car is the bride and groom’s car. The pace car has someone hanging out the back window, zooming a video camera at the bride and groom, recording the entire caravan process. (What, you might ask, are they recording a car ride for? No one really knows). I rode in the pace car for the processional. The back van door was open so that the girl sitting beside me video taping had a clear shot of the bride and groom. It was hilarious to see her turned around, hanging over the backseat of the van, with her video camera bouncing at every bump. She was doing her best to capture every riveting moment of the caravan.
Recording the wedding processional from the backseat of the van
Once we arrived at the bride’s house, the groom got out of the car and was doused with silly string by all the friends waiting for him. Every drop of silly string hung from the groom’s hair, face, ears, and shoulders. He successfully picked about 70% of it off (remnants of silly sting remained for the entire day). Next, he was required to pay the bride’s parents to enter their home. (I told Jianjuan that it wouldn’t surprise me if my Dad implemented this custom at our house. Before a boy can enter our house, he must pay a small sum. With three girls, Dad could make a fortune!) The groom and his friends then all went inside to sit and have tea and snacks. (Meanwhile, the bride has still not appeared. She was in one of the bedrooms with her friends). After the groom and his friends enjoyed their tea or sugar water, he decided it was time to see his bride. This is where the next custom occurs: the groom’s friends attempt to block him from entering the bride’s room. They use all means necessary to keep him from getting to his bride – which includes using force! So picture this, Anna and I are sitting in the living room, casually sipping our tea, when all of a sudden chaos erupts. The friends start shouting in Chinese and pushing the groom away from the door. Pretty soon, I feel like I’m in a scene from Animal House, with all Chinese men who were getting really rowdy. I wish you could have seen my face - I was like, “What is happening!?!” After about five minutes of rough-housing, the friends finally backed away from the door and allowed the groom to enter the bedroom to see his bride. The custom is then for the groom to wash his bride’s feet. He got a basin of water and gently washed his bride’s petite Chinese feet. After her feet were washed, the groom picked the bride up piggy-back (which was SO awkward in a wedding gown) and carried her to the car. Then they got into their chariot – aka car – to drive back to the groom’s village. Again, I rode in the pace car while the girl beside me shot live footage of the car ride. Half-way through the hour long drive back to the groom’s village, we stopped at a bridge. Instead of carrying his bride across the threshold of their house, as we do in America, a groom must carry his bride across a bridge. Again, we videotaped as the groom wattled across the bridge with the bride on his back (He looked so uncomfortable!).
Walking across the bridge
After arriving at the groom’s village, we went straight to dinner. It was located at the same outside eating area where breakfast was served. The bride had changed into a red dress, and she and the groom stood at the entryway to greet all of their guests as they arrived. In China, everyone gives a small red envelope with money in it as a wedding gift. (I tried really hard to do this, but I accidentally bought Chinese New Year red envelopes instead. They look exactly the same as the wedding envelopes, but the characters on them – which I can’t read - said something inappropriate for a wedding. Therefore, we had to borrow a red envelope from Jianjuan… I try so hard to do things right, but not being able to read is a bit of a hindrance…lol!)
Everyone spent the rest of the evening sitting around their table, eating and chatting. The food was authentic village Chinese food. Some of it – especially the sweet potatoes, were really delicious. However, I also made the mistake of tasting things before asking what they were. This led to me eating a bite of solid pork fat…. EWW! It was just as disgusting as it sounds. I had to really swallow hard after I realized what was in my mouth.
The kitchen where all the food was prepared (the pots are food that is already cooked and ready to be served)
But before I knew it, dinner was over, and it was time for Anna and I to return to Kunming. Everyone else stayed at dinner for a few hours longer; then they returned home as well.
Jianjuan, Anna, & I at dinner
My Chinese wedding experience is unique because it was in the village. There is a great distinction between how things are done in the city and how things are done in the village. A wedding in the city would be at a hotel or restaurant; the place that hosts the dinner would provide dancers for a performance after dinner. There would also be about an hour of speeches and toasts at a wedding in the city. Someone tells the story of how the couple met, and family and friends have the opportunity to offer well wishes. There weren’t any speeches or shows at the village wedding.
Not only are Chinese village and city weddings different, but there are many obvious differences between Chinese and American weddings. The most noticeable difference is that there is no ceremony. The fact that there is no ceremony or service in Chinese weddings is really hard for me to accept. Because they don’t acknowledge G-d’s place in a marriage, weddings in China lose their substance, their importance. They become just another tradition. That’s not to say that it wasn’t a great cultural experience, but I have realized that weddings are much more than the hoopla presented on the wedding TV shows my friends and I love. Whether in China or America, weddings aren’t about the bride’s dress, the food, or the traditions, but they are about the couple’s love for each other and their commitment to place Him at the center of their marriage. Even though I’ve come to this realization, it doesn’t mean that I don’t love weddings any less, or that My Fair Wedding isn’t still my favorite TV show : )
More Pictures:
Anna & I with Jianjuan's friends
Guests at the wedding eating dinner
