Last night, I had my first official Chinese business dinner with a few of our local partners. The individuals that my colleague and I went to dinner with are influential in many of the projects we plan. It was a bit overwhelming because I was the only foreigner and don’t speak Chinese. My boss assured me that I would be fine; she emphasized that it was just important for me to attend the dinner and meet everyone.
Relationships are the foundation of work in China. In order to do business, you must develop a friendship with people first. Hence, the importance of me attending dinner – to begin developing a relationship with our partners. Relationships are important in all aspects of life in China. For example, last week I learned that if I want to be sure all of my mail is delivered, I need to be friends with the postman. I had told my co-worker that I asked the postman if he had any letters for me. He looked at me and didn’t respond – even though I know he understood me. My colleague told me matter-of-factly, “Well Whitney, you’re not friends with him. He probably won’t help you. You need to start saying hi to him everyday, and then he will help you find your letters.” What a cultural difference!
Dinner was just as interesting of an experience as you would expect it to be. We arrived at the table and all of the men stood up to greet us. Introductions were friendly, with many handshakes and smiles. After everyone was introduced, we all sat down and drinks were brought to us. The men all drank baijiu, a white distilled liquor that looks like vodka with a really high proof. (Men in China drink baijiu often, and usually they end up drinking way too much of it at once. When a person is socializing, it is a sign of friendship to drink a significant amount because it shows that you are enjoying the people around you and you trust them. The more you drink, the better friends you are. And in a business context this becomes especially important because you are trying to establish a relationship with your dinner guests. NOTE – we do not take part in this. Our partnership is well-established, and we politely declined all alcohol). However, our alternative drink wasn’t any better. They served us a hot corn smoothie... Eww! It was really disgusting. (Disclaimer to my farmer friends: don’t get me wrong, I love how versatile corn is, and I believe we should use it to make as many things as possible. But I don’t think corn is intended to be a smoothie).
To make matters worse, our partners kept making toasts so I had to drink it. Someone would raise their glass like every three minutes and look at one of the people sitting at the table and say something nice about them (well, I guess it was nice – I couldn’t understand it, but I would assume it was a compliment of some sort, haha) so then we would all clink our glasses together and take a drink. (I SO BADLY wanted to shout Cheers! But decided that was impolite). Toasting to someone is a sign of respect and reverence, so our main partner had like twenty toasts to him. After about a million “cheers,” my stomach decided there was no way I could drink any more of my repulsive corn smoothie. As a result, I pulled out the bartender trick – I acted like I was taking a drink; but I actually only let it touch my lips, and then I fake swallowed. The whole time I was thinking – Never in my life did I think I would have to fake drink a corn smoothie while having dinner with some Chinese businessmen… I guess you never really know where you’ll end up in life. So surreal.
Unfortunately, dinner didn’t bring many dishes that were any more appetizing. There was some melon that tasted good; and a mushroom and beef dish that was delicious. Everything else was pretty unusual – meaning I have no idea what it was and don’t really want to. Usually, I just try to steer clear of those dishes and act like I’m busy eating something else. However, one of the gentlemen looked at me and signaled for me to try several of his favorite dishes – including, cow’s stomach, and some type of liver (?) in this red blood-looking sauce. I smiled and ate a bit of it. The worst part was that all I had to wash it down with was my corn smoothie, which actually made it worse haha! The food didn’t taste all that bad, but it was much different than the Chinese food I enjoy.
Chinese meals are almost always served with rice. However, because we were at an expensive restaurant, the rice didn’t come until we were halfway done with dinner. The idea is that you have enough money that you do not need to fill-up on rice. Instead, you should enjoy the delicious food and eat a small amount of rice later if you would like.
My favorite part of the meal came when the waitress brought the teapot to our table. Tea glasses hold approximately two sips of tea, so the teapot is often left on the table. Well, because it was placed by me, I, by default, became the tea-pourer. I think my eyes got really big as my mind started screaming, Danger! Danger! I immediately thought of the Disney movie, Mulan (See the movie clip below). Mulan is a Chinese girl who goes to meet a matchmaker and tries her best to impress the lady, but she ends up spilling tea all over the table, starting a fire, and completely humiliating herself. I was terrified my teapouring experience was going to end up along similar lines. And then, I just kept thinking that Kelly should be the one here- she is the expert waitress. With all the coffee pouring she did at Cathy’s she has had plenty of experience. But no, here I was, in the middle of a Chinese business dinner, expected to pour tea (aka- steaming hot liquids) to these really important people. After mustering up all the confidence I could find, I very carefully began pouring the tea. And, I am happy to report that I did a fine job. : )
Overall, dinner was a really nice experience. Our partners were great to be around and were very warm to me; and my co-workers, of course, are great. I was thankful for an inside look into how business partnerships and relationships are established and maintained in China. It was an eye-opening cultural experience. And don’t worry, after dinner I was still starving, so I came home and ate a peanut butter sandwich : )
